The Threads That Try to Pull Me Back

by Kimberly C. Jones©

Why does my mind still betray me—
reviving thoughts I swore I’d outgrown,
the hard work I’ve done
momentarily forgotten.

I know I am not the person I once was.
I no longer believe the stories I was told.
And yet, faint threads of who they shaped me into
weave themselves back into my thoughts
when I least expect it.

The woman I am now sees life differently.
The woman I am now sees herself clearly.
I am not the pain they inflicted.
I am not the love they withheld.

And yet there are times I forget—
times when I am pulled back to the little girl,
the little girl taught to ask for nothing,
the little girl taught to need no one,
the little girl taught that love comes at a cost
and she does not have the right currency.

In those moments when my mind betrays me,
I become the frightened little girl who doesn’t belong,
the forgotten little girl who learned to disappear,
the little girl who was overlooked,
the little girl they forgot.

It is merely a moment,
but it feels like a lifetime.
And in that moment, I am tired.
And still, I have to fight—
fight to remember my voice,
fight to remember my name,
fight to remember who I am.

And in the next moment,
I return to myself—
to the truth I’ve built with my own hands,
to the voice that finally sounds like mine.
I rise, again and again,
into the woman I chose to be.